Coping With Divorce
“Was it worth it?” you may ask yourself…
It can seem to you now—when you’re dealing with a broken heart and living a post-divorce life—that the risk you took was not worth it, but remember you took this step to find your better, brighter path. People come in and out of our lives for a reason and each friend and lover represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive. We learn about our boundaries by having people bump into them. We learn about our tolerance for imperfection by being imperfect ourselves. We understand ourselves to be kind and loving people when we have a chance to act in that way towards another.
Right now—today—is the best you’ve got right now. Try to be present as much as you can. Don’t try to resurrect the past or second guess your decision about the divorce. Do try to forgive your ex for their humanity. Forgiveness is about a willingness to have something happen the way it happened, and about giving up the insistence to be understood by another. You only need to understand yourself.
After Divorce
Going forward, you may think that letting someone into your life—whether as a partner, a spouse, or a friend—is risky business. Where will it go? Will I get hurt? Nobody knows for sure. Yet without taking these risks, we miss out on so many opportunities to learn about ourselves and our place in the world. Bypassing the chance for growth because of the risk that it might hurt means stagnation. It’s ironic, isn’t it? In order to grow, you have to be willing to get hurt.
There’s simply no way to move into a new relationship when you feel bitterness or resentment or guilt because of a past relationship. It’s just junk. You’re carting junk around and it’s weighing you down, making for a very hard going. If you have unresolved feelings towards your ex or your past, you’ll have to move that obstacle out of your way so you can move on. Neither you nor your next partner will want your ex popping in unannounced and uninvited all the time but if you don’t lock the door, they might.
Holding onto the past and holding onto grudges kills the light in your soul and blinds you to the good you will find once you are free of your past. The work ahead of you today is to not let your pain overshadow your life or let your resentment inform your spirit. Your breakup is an ending and there’s no denying it. But it’s also a beginning. You need to see through the darkness to the light at the end of the tunnel. Take pause and unblock yourself from the wonderful future that lies ahead.
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