The first time that you look around your home post-divorce and sense that something is missing, you feel an unexplainable sense of sorrow and emptiness, that even if the place is full and robust, it doesn’t feel cozy anymore. Then you begin to walk around it and then you realize that it slowly loses its value to you.
If a few months have passed and you still are living in your home and you can’t bear the emptiness you feel while you’re in it, then, by all means, leave. At first, you might think that you will be wasting what you have worked so hard for together, but really, you don’t have to subject yourself to haunting memories for the days post-divorce.
The first thing that you’ve to accomplish when you decide to do the moving after divorce is to treat it as a goal. You have to have a target time, projected budget, an inventory of the things that you will bring with you and of course, a positive disposition. Now, working on the disposition part might not be easy but you’ll cope.
After that, talk to a close friend about this plan and ask to be helped. Friendly divorce advice helps a lot at this point. The battle is easier when you have someone to fight it with. Schedule a serious talk with a friend you really trust and then lay out your plans. Ask for his/ her opinions about the goals you have in mind and ask for his/ her guidance and support. At this point, you should still be open to changes (yes, even if they don’t match your previous “goals”) because it’s nice to see your plans from another perspective also. In this instance, it’s your friend’s perspective. At least it’s a perspective you trust.
If you think that one friend is not enough, you can move further with a support team, who will help you build your life again, starting from the physical pieces of evidence, like having a totally new apartment with new things, new neighborhood and a slight change in lifestyle. This support team will help you in getting to the kinds of divorce advice which you can use the most.
It is best to inform your partner of your plans but do not get into specifics. (But this is totally your call.) If your goal is really to detach, then just keep your plans to yourself first. I mean, you don’t want your ex-husband to suddenly come in your housewarming and introduce his new girl there, do you?
If you have kids, moving after divorce might be more difficult. In fact, you might not consider moving out of the house at all! Now that you have built a family and the kids also have their own “home”, you must put their welfare first and try to work it out…even if you might have to put up with a few awkward moments. BUT if you and your partner deem it best that one of you has to go, then be sure that you have agreed on the custody of the children. As much as possible, spare the children from the complications of your divorce and just move out of the house as peacefully as you can.
Moving after divorce is not an easy feat. So get as much divorce advice as you can from people you trust and don’t make hasty decisions. Moreover, do not forget that you also have to be financially ready for this. Save up for the new place and at least be sure that you’ll be getting a steady fund coming. Strengthen your support team, read a lot of self-help (the kinds that work for you) and most of all, be positive.
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