Getting A Divorce

Only about 20 percent of American marriages started in the 1950s ended in divorce, but the statistic jumped to 50 percent in the 1970s. For the past 40 years marriages have had only about a 50-50 chance of survival, if that. So the fact is, that divorce is a very real possibility for anybody who gets married in this day and age.

But when divorce rates in the USA were extremely low – or practically nonexistent – marriage was still not always a bed of roses. We know that there were lots of people stuck in unhappy or even abusive marriages. Our legal system now supports the point of view that divorce should be an option available to anyone who feels that they have irreconcilable differences with their partner. If you’re unhappy, dissatisfied, and don’t feel that you should continue to stay in the marriage then by all means you have every right to do what you think is best for you.

But just because it is an available option – and the right one for some people – that does not necessarily mean that divorce is the best course of action for everyone. Only you can determine whether or not getting a divorce is the most favorable alternative in your particular situation. So before making up your mind about whether to stay in a marriage or get out of it you owe it to yourself and your family to give the decision a great deal of thought and careful consideration.

Deal Breakers

There are some situations that a person can’t tolerate in a relationship, and those will be “deal breakers” for their marriage. If you are subjected to verbal, psychological, or physical abuse, for example, you need to get out of that relationship immediately for the sake of your own health and well being. Physical abuse within any kind of relationship should not be tolerated, and unfortunately domestic violence is one of the most serious problems in the country. But there are many resources to help victims of domestic violence find a safe and supportive environment, and if you or someone you know is a victim of this kind of violence, don’t hesitate to notify the authorities.

For many people infidelity is also high on that list of deal breakers, because once cheating occurs it can destroy trust – and in many cases that is just too difficult to rebuild. Sometimes it is not the actual affair or sex with someone else that they cannot get over, but the hardest thing is to get past the fact that their spouse lied and deceived them in the process.

After an affair rocks their marriage some couples, on the other hand, are able to mend the damage done and wind up with a relationship that is stronger and more fulfilling than ever before. For some the affair becomes a catalyst for serious change in a positive direction. Perhaps your marriage has hit a bump in the road that can be smoothed out with the help of a skilled marriage counselor. Maybe you are in the midst of a money crisis, like many couples today, but with the help of a mortgage consultant or financial planner you can bring things back under control. There might be strain on the marriage due to unemployment or illness, but over time these challenges might also be solved and put behind you. Avoiding divorce and salvaging an otherwise satisfying marriage may mean that you can avoid “throwing the baby out with the bathwater,” and that’s a great accomplishment.

Nobody should remain in an intolerable marriage. By the same token, nobody should automatically give up on a profound and intimate relationship that is mostly good except for some solvable problems and reconcilable issues. If the marriage problems can be worked out for the betterment of everyone concerned, then that is something worth striving for and putting energy into for the sake of the marriage, the family, and your own investment in the loving relationship.

Many couples come through a difficult patch in their marriage feeling closer and happier. They go on to enjoy the best years of their marriage through a healthier and more vibrantly satisfying and passionate relationship. Others find a happier and more rewarding life by going through with the divorce – and that is a choice everyone needs to make for themselves.

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