After Divorce
I have a favorite expression from a very wise man, Theodore Geisel (you may know him as Dr. Seuss), who said,
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.” Good advice.
When your new life is just around the corner but you can’t see around that corner, what do you do? On one end of the spectrum are those of us who are itching to get going, unable to ignore the tension that seems to be telling you, “Go already!” On the opposite end of the spectrum are those of us who are immobilized and can’t imagine going anywhere, let alone going quickly. And somewhere in the middle are those who just aren’t sure what to do. For all of us, though, here are some helpful tips to
Survive Your Break Up
Wait to date. It’s probably the most common post-divorce advice, right? Dating again too quickly is a pitfall you should try to avoid. If you rush into the arms of another, you’re not going to be spending the quality time you need with yourself, to re-discover who you are and to recover from the pain and disappointment.
Give yourself some time. After a divorce, it’s common to feel the grief that comes with endings. Even if the ending was one you wanted! You need some time to work through the feelings you have, not all of which are about your grief. This is a highly emotional time in your life and the process can’t be rushed.
Get to know yourself. Just as you gave up certain amounts of personal space in your marriage, it’s likely that you gave up certain pieces of yourself, too. Did you give up a friend or a hobby? Did your partner feel neglected by your pursuit of solo interests and so you gave them up? This is a time to turn inward and find out who you are. Get busy doing the things that make you happy. You might not have this time again.
Look ahead; make some plans. Maybe you want to learn German and spend a week in Munich. Do you like birds? The Audubon Society sponsors monthly walks. Do your friends like to go to the movies? Does your boss like to play tennis? Whatever is it, make some plans and try to stick with them. There are dozens of things you can do, and you don’t need permission anymore.
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There’s a whole new life and a much smarter you to get to know. So go ahead and be who you are. We really won’t mind, because you matter too much.
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